I'll tell you the tale of a burglar bold who tried to rob a house.
He lifted up the window and he crept in like a mouse.
He looked all around for a place to hide 'til they were fast asleep.
He said "With all their money, I will make a quiet creep!"
He scooted under the bed and then he moved up close to the wall.
He didn't know an old maid lived there or he wouldn't have been there at all.
'Bout half past nine the old maid came, "I am so tired,' she said.
And thinking all was alright that night, she didn't look under the bed.
She took out her teeth and her old glass eye and the wig from on top of her head.
The burglar he had seventeen fits as he looked from under the bed.
(Something's missing from here,I'll check)
>From under the bed, the burglar crept he was a total wreck.
The old maid, she was wide awake and seized him by the neck.
She didn't faint or scream at all, she was just as cool as a clam.
"At last my prayers are answered,' she said, "for now I have a man!"
She took out her revolver and to him she quietly said: "Young man, if you don't marry me, I'll blow off the top of your head".
The burglar bold, he looked around to find a place to scoot.
He looked at her teeth and her old glass eye, and said: "Go ahead and Shoot!"